tides of april: stories i drifted toward
reads & whims #4: a quiet reflection on the books that anchored me in april of 2025
Hey. It’s been a while since I opened Substack. I think I avoided it because life has been a little too much lately, lol. Everything started to feel annoying. I was constantly irritated and all I wanted to do was rot in bed all day and night. But here I am. Back to the root of it all. Books.
I told myself I’d read 12 books this year. It’s part of my 2025 goals because I haven’t been consistently reading for almost two years. I’m trying to change that. Last month I read two books. This month I pushed myself to read at least four.
So I wrote down my little TBR list for April:
Heaven by Mieko Kawakami.
Laut Bercerita by Leila S. Chudori.
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Something random, maybe a romcom.
Very different books. Very different genres. Very different emotions. But that’s what makes reading fun again. So, here is my April line-up.
Heaven by Mieko Kawami
Going into this book I expected something soft, literary, and quiet. But I was wrong. This is a haunting story about two middle school kids bound by shared pain and relentless bullying. The writing is stripped down and brutally honest. It doesn’t glamorize suffering. It just shows it for what it is. Raw, confusing, and cruel.
Kojima, the girl at the heart of it all, quietly shattered me. Especially when she talked about her mother. Some of those lines will stick with me for a long time. The tension in this book doesn’t come from action but from silence. From the things unsaid. I didn’t cry but I did feel empty afterward. And that says something.
I originally gave it four stars, but honestly, it’s the end of April and I’m still thinking about this book. Maybe it deserves more. The topic of bullying is familiar to me. I’ve read so many academic papers on it for my major. At first I thought it would feel too familiar. But maybe that’s exactly why it hit me so deeply. Kawakami didn’t just write about bullying. She made it personal. And that’s what stayed with me.
Laut Bercerita by Leila S. Chudori
This is a very popular historical fiction book in Indonesia. I didn’t expect to read this one either. Historical fiction isn’t usually my thing. Back in high school I thought history and politics weren’t for me. Not because I didn’t care about politics, don’t get me wrong, but because I didn’t feel like it’s my interest to understand them deeply. But I picked this up out of curiosity. And honestly, I’m glad I did.
This book dives into Indonesia’s political history in the 1990s. It’s told through the eyes of a brother and a sister. It tells the story of a family dealing with loss, a group of friends carrying emptiness in their hearts, a circle of people who enjoy inflicting pain and betray with ease, families searching for the truth about their children's graves, and a love that will never fade. The English version of Laut Bercerita is The Sea Speaks His Name. John H. McGlynn translated the novel, which was published by Penguin Random House SEA in 2020.
While I already knew the context since I studied most of the events in high school, I found myself less focused on the timeline and more drawn to the emotional and psychological aftermath. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m always more interested in people and what’s going on with them. That made me care more about the effects of historical trauma rather than the events themselves.
There are two POVs in the book. I personally preferred Asmara’s. Her sections felt quieter but more emotionally charged. I resonated more with the grief and the longing in her chapters. I also ended up liking Alex and Asmara more than the main couple. Their connection felt more intimate and honest.
I wasn’t a fan of the excessive sexual content. Some parts felt unnecessary and made me uncomfortable. But beyond that, the writing was strong and emotional. It made me reflect deeply on how people lived through that era. How so many wounds never healed.
This book moved me to tears. It felt real because it was. I admire how the author was able to show both history and heart. I’d still recommend this to anyone who wants to see how political trauma lives in personal spaces.
Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata
At first, I really liked how fast-paced and unintentionally funny the book was, it made it super easy to get into. It felt like, “Yeah, this is exactly how society works.” People just keep setting these so-called “normal” standards, and it was interesting to see that called out.
But as I kept reading, it started to feel like I was going through someone’s personal journal, but not in the fun, introspective kind of way. It got repetitive, and I honestly couldn’t stand that one guy who kept rambling about the Stone Age and saying weird, gross things about women. I looked it up on Goodreads, and apparently, that’s supposed to reflect Japanese societal norms and the pressure to get married or have kids. But even with that context, I still didn’t like it. It just felt off and unnecessarily uncomfortable.
Overall, it was really underwhelming. I think the author had a solid concept, and there is a meaningful message in there somewhere, but it didn’t come together the way I hoped. I found this review on Goodreads that completely sums up how I felt:
“I feel like there’s a good novel somewhere in ‘Convenience Store Woman,’ but Sayaka Murata didn’t realize it. Her commentary on conformist society and the individual is inane and unoriginal, though far worse is her muddled placement of the main character within that commentary.” Couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m really sorry if I look like a hater or look like someone who’s dumb enough not to understand the meaning behind it.
Nora Goes Off Script by Annabel Monaghan
Before I dive into everything that has been on my mind over the past week, I just want to start by saying that when I picked up this book, I don't think I was really in the mood for a romance novel. Lately, I've been on a literary fiction streak and my heart wanted to continue down that path, but my brain kept telling me, "No, girl, you need to rest and not overthink everything." I’ve been busy, and my mind feels cluttered, like there are so many things I need to sort out.
That's why, when I first started this book, I immediately thought, This isn't good. I had high expectations, especially after seeing so many positive reviews. I haven't even opened Goodreads yet, but I already knew from some Booktubers that it was highly praised.
To be honest, it took me at least 10 chapters to finally get into the story (i’m not hating because maybe it’s just me) before that, I kept putting the book down just to play offline games on my phone. It's the kind of book that feels like those TikTok or Reels videos where you’re watching Part 1, but it cuts off with a "Come for Part 2" right before anything really happens. I wouldn't call it a slow burn exactly, but it has that same feeling , like you’re waiting for something to click.
And I promise, it does get better. By the last two or three chapters, I was completely invested to the point where I realized I actually liked it. Now, would I give it five stars? No. Maybe a solid three, or three and a half, or maybe four. It’s still a good book, and I would absolutely read more from this author. I kind of love her writing style, it’s light and easy, and even though my brain wasn’t in full romance mode, I still found myself giggling and craving more romance while reading. So yes, you should give it a try.
Here’s my TBR list criteria for May:
A reread, so I can feel comfortable and pick it up easily whenever I want.
A classic, since I wasn’t really in the mood for classics back in April.
Something life-changing, this one’s going to be a bit challenging.
Maybe a book that’s just been laying around at home, waiting for its turn.
If you’ve already read any of the books, feel free to share your thoughts! Or if you're curious about any of them, just let me know. Honestly, comment anything. I’d love to interact with you more. See ya!
You can add my Goodreads if you want to.
I loved Heaven too- you’re so right about how honest and raw the book felt, more than other books about bullying which seem much more idealized. I hated the cover design though 😭 I’m so interested in The Sea Speaks His Name too, is the sexual content really that excessive or it is worth it to ignore?